Willy the Wizard

Aaaah bliss!! In full flow of the holiday! After 2 weeks, it has gotten to that stage where it has actually got boring. I am not complaining about that! I am embracing the boredom and enjoying it. It is not very often I have the opportunity to be bored. One year, I planned so much for the holiday that I needed another holiday afterwards. Sometimes nothing is good, from nothing you can do whatever you want! In typical teacher form, I am finding it hard to sit still and keep feeling like I should be doing something. My friend rang me and said, ‘What have you been up to Miss Phitt?’
My response was, ‘absolutely nothing.’ I began to make excuses and give reasons and she said,
‘Don’t feel guilty for it, for *^^( sake!’
It kind of feels like my right leg has been chopped off without a pile of planning and marking...
I forgot to mention that I got the feedback from the marking scrutiny. From the feedback, it was quite evident they hadn’t scrutinised a single one of my books. Everybody’s feedback was identical. In the end I had actually been looking forward to my feedback after sneak peeking at the other teachers’ books. My books might have had naff smiley faces but at least the children hadn’t carefully drawn willies on them like in some of the other classes – well, that’s what comes of telling the kids the story of ‘Willy the Wizard’ By Anthony Browne. Having said that, it’s an amazing story. I love a story with a moral.

Parting gifts

The end of term finally arrived I thought it would never happen. Of course it happens much quicker in all the other countries of the world. It all happened as it should. I woke up at 2pm Saturday and then went to pick up my car from where I'd left it - outside the pub. I enjoyed working at my school for years so I was sad to leave, at the same time I was happy. The boss has said she’s not putting teachers up the pay scale. It just seems mean. Most the teachers at the school are amazing; she just doesn’t see it. Ofsted graded their lessons good. I told her I thought it was unfair. She said yes it is unfair but then she did it anyway.

I’d done the whole ritual of keep safe over the holiday. I will miss you. You have worked hard this year. Enjoy your holiday. I’m sorry to be leaving you etc...then one child said, ‘Do we have school tomorrow?’ Sigh!

I had a strange array of parting gifts all of them very sweet. There were the usual teddies and mugs. I have a huge collection of mugs if only they did plates and bowls I could have a whole matching set. I told the children bottles would be most welcome. I ended up with several bottles of pound shop bubble bath. You always get the gifts with reduced labels and recycled gifts with other people’s names on but there’s nothing wrong with that. One child gave me a banana. I think he saw everyone else giving me gifts and wanted to give me something too. He took it out of his pack lunch box bless him. Then I got the best present in the history of all teacher gifts. A pizza!! It was delivered to me as soon as the bell went. It was exactly what I wanted. How thoughtful of the parent to think of lining my stomach before I headed for the pub. The dad handed it to me in front of the boss. I am sure she thought that I’d been cheeky and had it delivered to the school. But who cares? I’m gone now.

xxx

Teaching 10 Commandments

This is not necessarily a ‘should’, ‘have to’ or ‘must’ but what I think works to have a successful school and home life. I don’t always follow them, in fact right now I'm really not - yet suffering for it!That’s when things tend not to work...1 week left at work...these will act as my New School Year Resolutions in September.

1.       Thou shalt mark all thy books.

2.       Thou shalt be calm.

3.       Thou shalt rest from work on the Sabbath.

4.       Thou SHALT steal. (in the context of ideas, planning, behaviour management techniques etc...)

5.       Thou shalt do what one knows to be right.

6.       Thou shalt honour the fathers and mothers. (Know the importance of parental impact – welcome them. They make the biggest difference – possibly a harder job than ours AND they don’t get paid!)

7.       Thou shalt not murder. (walk away from the boss! Take deep breaths...sometimes what they’re saying is right - other times it is complete nonsense! Call them on it calmly if it makes a difference.)

8.       Thou shalt keep thy word. (Follow up! If a child’s not done what’s been asked, always follow up even if you think it doesn’t matter – it does!)

9.       Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord our God in vain. (swearing in class never a good idea!)

10.   Thou shalt have decent learning objectives and success criteria (take care of these and the lessons take care of themselves)

And right now, thou shalt enjoy the weekend. Miss Phitt xx

The 10 Commandments

After teaching the children about the 10 commandments: Thou shalt not steal: I remembered the paper clips I had nicked from the school office; and how I had really encouraged the children to steal ideas from each other. I felt a little hypocritical. Then I remembered what real thieves do; they call it 'borrowing':
It got me thinking what would the 10 commandments be for teachers? I’m still thinking about it...not so much as 10 OFSTED guidelines but 10 things to make teaching work at home as well as school.

Someone texted me on Friday, 'How r u? The kids behaving themselves?'
My reply was; 'The kids have been good; the boss on the otherhand...' Maybe there should also be 10 commandments for bosses!

Now‘s the time of year when we should really be loving teaching but I’m not. I’m really not. I normally find a way to make myself happy. I normally think of something. I can be happy however big the workload and however naughty the kids are.
It is one of my golden rules to see the kids and the boss for their good and understand how things might be for them. This works. At the same time, I don't agree with someone being out of line and I say something. Our head has given many members of staff letters warning them of capability procedure. I’ve not had a letter and I don’t think I’ll get one but it bothers me. It really bothers me. She’s handing out capability procedures like there’s no tomorrow. I can’t help but feel I’ve handed in my resignation at just the right time. PHEW!!!! xx

Oh Bollocks!!

After having got through OFSTED and been offered a new job, I made the huge vital error, one that teachers very rarely make – of easing off!! I thought ‘I’ve worked my bollocks (yes I know I don’t really have any) off all year. The kids have made huge progress. My lessons are still decent...sports day coming up.’ So my marking was ‘inconsistent’. I’d even done some shitty smiley faces, which are a sure sign of a crap teacher – not a problem, I thought, as they haven’t monitored the books for years. Then my books were called in for a scrutiny.  I cringed at the thought of them looking at my smiley faces. Hmm I was thinking of excuses to get out of it. When asked, ‘Why is your marking shit?’

I can hardly say; ‘because it clashed with my social calendar.’ Or; ‘It’s a waste of time; 5 year olds don’t read it.’ Or; ‘I’m not a fucking martyr I’ll have you know!! Do you know how many hours I already work overtime! I’ve got reports, assessments....’ Or, ‘I thought I’d ease off for a bit.’ My current idea is to say; ‘I’m sorry, I prioritised other things and I know I’ve done wrong – can I get it all done and shown to you by Friday?’

I had thoughts about my boss informing my new boss of the smiley faces and my new job being withdrawn. At the end of the day, I’m having dramas!! My good girl reputation is tarnished by my shitty smiley faces, and by my own standards – crap marking is a huge faux pas in teaching.

My feedback so far has been; ‘there’s some lovely work in your books.’ So I’m worrying about nothing. It reminds me once again that there’s no purpose to worrying, and that what you spend ages and ages, and so much of your time worrying about, never happens.

We’re on strike tomorrow. I hope it does some good. I am happy to feel that I am doing something and making a contribution to protecting our pay and pensions. It made me smile when Gove suggested getting the parents in to keep schools open. It made it clear the government are a little unclear what it is like in our state schools. Firstly a large majority of parents at our school wouldn’t pass the CRB check and then we would return on Friday to find all the overhead  projectors had been nicked. Without a doubt, their marking would be better than mine. xxx

We double dare you!

So it’s still unknown if we’re gonna strike or not. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-13918723 So the government’s warning us...well as teachers, we all know what happens when we warn one of the children...the same thing that happens if you say don’t touch; or don’t dare...they will always touch and they will dare every time. xxx

'Tis the season to be jolly.

I am pleased to hear about the strike. Not only because it’s a day off, but I’m pleased so many people are taking it on. I can use the strike day to get my reports written. They say it will be the biggest strike in history and YES! This time we will win!

It’s yet another ‘busy time of the year’ for teachers; as is every time of the year, apart from the 6 week holiday. It is the season of ‘copy and paste’ and ‘find and replace’. These days parents seem happy with their kids’ school reports. There’s a reason for this, they haven’t read between the lines. At the end of the day, the kids will probably keep their report forever. It is best to do a good job but report writing can be a long and tedious task!

Here’s some tips (and if you have some more please let me know):

·         Check your school policy before writing them.

·         Check with your manager after writing the first couple of reports.

·         Ensure you know how to use copy and paste, find and replace (but remember the purpose of a school report, if they’re all the same, there’s no point writing them and it’s just yet another purposeless task.)

·         There’s no point being nasty, you will only wind yourself up and get told to rewrite them. If the little sod has irritated you all year, remember you are getting rid of them soon.

·         Overdo the praise on well behaved, high ability children – they will tell the other parents in the playground and next year’s parents will want their child to have a report like that- kinda makes you feel good too.

·         Try and say things about the child which will make them better rather than just moaning about them – pointless and again, you can wind yourself up.

·         Think what you really want to say about that child and check the statements below to find a nice way of wording it:

What you want to say:	How to say it:
He is a lazy sod who can’t be arsed with anything.	Sometimes he lacks interest.
He’s a lying little bastard.	He shows creativity and imagination.
...School bully who I always have to bullock.	…has participated in discussions about developing effective and satisfying relationships with peers.
Naughty little shit who’s been driving me mad all year.	…is easily distracted.
*NAME* is a lazy fucker.	*NAME* is occasionally reluctant to participate.
*NAME* is thick.	*NAME* still needs much adult support with practical work.
...can’t write.	...uses drawings to record information.
We’ve taught it but they haven’t learnt it.	...has experienced.
...is simple.	...is able to make simple predictions. ...is able to read simple texts. ...is able to do simple calculations. (emphasis on the simple)
...is tone deaf.	…has difficulty in responding to pitch and rhythm in musical compositions.
...is still pretty crap at...	…is improving…
...the lights are on but nobody’s home.	…is able to switch on the computer. (and that is actually all they are able to do)
...has no mates.	…prefers to work alone.
...keeps bloody swearing.	… understands and reads simple signs and symbols.
Teacher’s pet.	...is an able and enthusiastic member of the group who takes a keen interest in school and appears to enjoy all aspects of the work.

I know these statements sounds bad and negative towards the poor innocent sods but I’m just joking around and negativity is somewhat humorous. It’s a way to make writing 30 reports more interesting and light hearted. I treasure my own school reports which described me as, ‘a high spirited child of a dramatic nature.’ Unfortunately my mum was a teacher and knew that I’d been naughty and had tantrums. Reports can be so much fun!

xxx