Oh Bollocks!!

After having got through OFSTED and been offered a new job, I made the huge vital error, one that teachers very rarely make – of easing off!! I thought ‘I’ve worked my bollocks (yes I know I don’t really have any) off all year. The kids have made huge progress. My lessons are still decent...sports day coming up.’ So my marking was ‘inconsistent’. I’d even done some shitty smiley faces, which are a sure sign of a crap teacher – not a problem, I thought, as they haven’t monitored the books for years. Then my books were called in for a scrutiny.  I cringed at the thought of them looking at my smiley faces. Hmm I was thinking of excuses to get out of it. When asked, ‘Why is your marking shit?’

I can hardly say; ‘because it clashed with my social calendar.’ Or; ‘It’s a waste of time; 5 year olds don’t read it.’ Or; ‘I’m not a fucking martyr I’ll have you know!! Do you know how many hours I already work overtime! I’ve got reports, assessments....’ Or, ‘I thought I’d ease off for a bit.’ My current idea is to say; ‘I’m sorry, I prioritised other things and I know I’ve done wrong – can I get it all done and shown to you by Friday?’

I had thoughts about my boss informing my new boss of the smiley faces and my new job being withdrawn. At the end of the day, I’m having dramas!! My good girl reputation is tarnished by my shitty smiley faces, and by my own standards – crap marking is a huge faux pas in teaching.

My feedback so far has been; ‘there’s some lovely work in your books.’ So I’m worrying about nothing. It reminds me once again that there’s no purpose to worrying, and that what you spend ages and ages, and so much of your time worrying about, never happens.

We’re on strike tomorrow. I hope it does some good. I am happy to feel that I am doing something and making a contribution to protecting our pay and pensions. It made me smile when Gove suggested getting the parents in to keep schools open. It made it clear the government are a little unclear what it is like in our state schools. Firstly a large majority of parents at our school wouldn’t pass the CRB check and then we would return on Friday to find all the overhead  projectors had been nicked. Without a doubt, their marking would be better than mine. xxx

We double dare you!

So it’s still unknown if we’re gonna strike or not. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-13918723 So the government’s warning us...well as teachers, we all know what happens when we warn one of the children...the same thing that happens if you say don’t touch; or don’t dare...they will always touch and they will dare every time. xxx

'Tis the season to be jolly.

I am pleased to hear about the strike. Not only because it’s a day off, but I’m pleased so many people are taking it on. I can use the strike day to get my reports written. They say it will be the biggest strike in history and YES! This time we will win!

It’s yet another ‘busy time of the year’ for teachers; as is every time of the year, apart from the 6 week holiday. It is the season of ‘copy and paste’ and ‘find and replace’. These days parents seem happy with their kids’ school reports. There’s a reason for this, they haven’t read between the lines. At the end of the day, the kids will probably keep their report forever. It is best to do a good job but report writing can be a long and tedious task!

Here’s some tips (and if you have some more please let me know):

·         Check your school policy before writing them.

·         Check with your manager after writing the first couple of reports.

·         Ensure you know how to use copy and paste, find and replace (but remember the purpose of a school report, if they’re all the same, there’s no point writing them and it’s just yet another purposeless task.)

·         There’s no point being nasty, you will only wind yourself up and get told to rewrite them. If the little sod has irritated you all year, remember you are getting rid of them soon.

·         Overdo the praise on well behaved, high ability children – they will tell the other parents in the playground and next year’s parents will want their child to have a report like that- kinda makes you feel good too.

·         Try and say things about the child which will make them better rather than just moaning about them – pointless and again, you can wind yourself up.

·         Think what you really want to say about that child and check the statements below to find a nice way of wording it:

What you want to say:	How to say it:
He is a lazy sod who can’t be arsed with anything.	Sometimes he lacks interest.
He’s a lying little bastard.	He shows creativity and imagination.
...School bully who I always have to bullock.	…has participated in discussions about developing effective and satisfying relationships with peers.
Naughty little shit who’s been driving me mad all year.	…is easily distracted.
*NAME* is a lazy fucker.	*NAME* is occasionally reluctant to participate.
*NAME* is thick.	*NAME* still needs much adult support with practical work.
...can’t write.	...uses drawings to record information.
We’ve taught it but they haven’t learnt it.	...has experienced.
...is simple.	...is able to make simple predictions. ...is able to read simple texts. ...is able to do simple calculations. (emphasis on the simple)
...is tone deaf.	…has difficulty in responding to pitch and rhythm in musical compositions.
...is still pretty crap at...	…is improving…
...the lights are on but nobody’s home.	…is able to switch on the computer. (and that is actually all they are able to do)
...has no mates.	…prefers to work alone.
...keeps bloody swearing.	… understands and reads simple signs and symbols.
Teacher’s pet.	...is an able and enthusiastic member of the group who takes a keen interest in school and appears to enjoy all aspects of the work.

I know these statements sounds bad and negative towards the poor innocent sods but I’m just joking around and negativity is somewhat humorous. It’s a way to make writing 30 reports more interesting and light hearted. I treasure my own school reports which described me as, ‘a high spirited child of a dramatic nature.’ Unfortunately my mum was a teacher and knew that I’d been naughty and had tantrums. Reports can be so much fun!

xxx